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#1 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 01 November 2014 - 09:00 PM

Hello guys!

This is a story im working on which i really hope to be able to draw monthly and then maybe even weekly someday. For now the first chapter isnt finished yet but Im really curious to see some feedback so i will share a preview.

I dont want to talk about the story, I dont like that, I prefer to let the reader discover for himself. But if you really wanna a short premise I would say its about Humans/Exorcists vs Monsters except that the monsters are the main characters.

: preview here:
https://www.facebook...07200152&type=3

Once again, would love some feedback.


Update:

I released a 21 page preview, read it on my site or on batoto

and I give my thanks to the only guy girl following this thread so far haha.

As always, comments appreciated
ea_chibi_by_thelastpierrot-d84y3b4.png


Edited by TheLastPierrot, 18 November 2014 - 06:00 PM.

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#2 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 16 November 2014 - 10:25 PM

I released a 21 page preview, read it on my site or on batoto

and I give my thanks to the only guy girl following this thread so far haha.

As always, comments appreciated


Edited by TheLastPierrot, 16 November 2014 - 10:26 PM.

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#3 Tom Ace

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Posted 17 November 2014 - 02:21 AM

That was pretty good indeed.

 

If i had to give critiques then ill start with what they are saying, i think your characters give the reader to much information (just talk to much in some parts), ill take a line to show you.

 

Page 17 Aulewlia: "Hello everyone! I welcome you all to my inn, Hollow inn. I see a great diversity of monsters and that's always great"

 

Now to explain my logic (if i have any) for what she said (or how she said it). You're using redundant  words (same words to often) "Hello everyone! I welcome you all to my inn, Hollow innI see a great diversity of monsters and that's always great"

 

Also she says "to my inn" while fine on it's own, on the next panel she says "im the inn master", thus being a bit redundant statement.

 

 

Now here is how i would word what she said "Hello, and welcome, to my Hollow inn..... It is wonderful to see such diversity of monsters today/ this evening/night (possibly add something about the past times)"

 

That is how I would have done that scene, of course i do like a more cryptic plot and text, so maybe its just me.

 

Btw the art is really good, you are doing a great job, just keep at it.


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#4 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 17 November 2014 - 07:20 AM

That was pretty good indeed.
 
If i had to give critiques then ill start with what they are saying, i think your characters give the reader to much information (just talk to much in some parts), ill take a line to show you.
 
Page 17 Aulewlia: "Hello everyone! I welcome you all to my inn, Hollow inn. I see a great diversity of monsters and that's always great"
 
Now to explain my logic (if i have any) for what she said (or how she said it). You're using redundant  words (same words to often) "Hello everyone! I welcome you all to my inn, Hollow innI see a great diversity of monsters and that's always great"
 
Also she says "to my inn" while fine on it's own, on the next panel she says "im the inn master", thus being a bit redundant statement.
 
 
Now here is how i would word what she said "Hello, and welcome, to my Hollow inn..... It is wonderful to see such diversity of monsters today/ this evening/night (possibly add something about the past times)"
 
That is how I would have done that scene, of course i do like a more cryptic plot and text, so maybe its just me.
 
Btw the art is really good, you are doing a great job, just keep at it.

Thanks! I see what you mean. This is just a preview so I haven't proofread it yet. Also some dialogues may seem too long because since the setting is a fantasy world sometimes I try hard to make the reader understand something that for the characters is common sense but not for the reader.
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#5 steamjunkie

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Posted 17 November 2014 - 03:33 PM

At first I didn't know which way to read it, but then I found out and then I had fun.

 

Your art is pretty cool and your characters are really easy to tell apart. 

 

I can't really say much about the story at this point because this is only a fraction of the first chapter,...

 

but I look forward to seeing what comes next!


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#6 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 17 November 2014 - 04:15 PM

thanks a lot for the feedback guys.

out of curiosity, any preference on the character designs yet?


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#7 ZCOverload

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Posted 18 November 2014 - 04:47 PM

why haven't i noticed this holy shit this is fantastic


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#8 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 18 November 2014 - 04:59 PM

why haven't i noticed this holy shit this is fantastic

wow thanks, ive received such rude comments on this one on batoto i got kinda depressed.


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#9 ZCOverload

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Posted 18 November 2014 - 05:03 PM

I thought it was highly entertaining and the characters were all likable as well. Art is top notch too. I don't see their issue except for the fact they have bad taste. XD


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#10 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 18 November 2014 - 05:09 PM

I thought it was highly entertaining and the characters were all likable as well. Art is top notch too. I don't see their issue except for the fact they have bad taste. XD

I was expecting some butthurt since my series may be considered blasphemy by religious people. So all it took was a rude comment for other sheep to follow the lead. My other 2 series on batoto have all really nice comments though and the artwork is older so i really think the problem is religion....wich is perfectly fine by me xD

Still, it feels bad not receiving more positive comments/feedback on something im working so hard and betting pretty much all my hopes as an artist.
 


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#11 ZCOverload

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Posted 18 November 2014 - 05:13 PM

Other ideologically sensitive stuff would be hailed by those same people. It's easier to pick on a budding artist than it is a famous mangaka.


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#12 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 18 November 2014 - 05:18 PM

Other ideologically sensitive stuff would be hailed by those same people. It's easier to pick on a budding artist than it is a famous mangaka.

Indeed. But if they are already offended now they will certainly send death threats when i finish the first chapter :lol: , now that will be blasphemous.


Edited by TheLastPierrot, 18 November 2014 - 05:18 PM.

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#13 ZCOverload

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Posted 18 November 2014 - 05:41 PM

I already can't wait.


 

Oh, but I read some of the batoto comments and I can actually agree that you need to work on your female faces a bit. I do think they look a bit masculine at times.


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#14 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 18 November 2014 - 05:47 PM

I already can't wait.


 

Oh, but I read some of the batoto comments and I can actually agree that you need to work on your female faces a bit. I do think they look a bit masculine at times.

Im aware of that and i think you can already see some progression, but to call them transgenders -.-

The thing on batoto is that the bad comments started before i uploaded the 21 pages, I had only updates a 4 pages preview( the first page of the chapter and a synapse intro with the caricature of the Pope looking silly...)


 

In short, i think the hate came form this page:
1381341_688467621165245_1418639664_n.jpg

 

and this one:

1385357_688470457831628_270640671_n.jpg?

 

:lol:


Edited by TheLastPierrot, 18 November 2014 - 05:49 PM.

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#15 ZCOverload

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Posted 18 November 2014 - 05:51 PM

I'd say just take what legitimate criticisms there are and make use of those. Anything that doesn't help better you isn't worth your time. The first signature I did myself I was outright told it was crap, but I didn't let that bother me and three years later I'm still at it.


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#16 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 18 November 2014 - 05:57 PM

I'd say just take what legitimate criticisms there are and make use of those. Anything that doesn't help better you isn't worth your time. The first signature I did myself I was outright told it was crap, but I didn't let that bother me and three years later I'm still at it.

exactly. The better we can do in this cases is just ignore rude comments, that's what i do. But constructive criticism is always welcomed.


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#17 Krizalid

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Posted 18 November 2014 - 07:57 PM

wow thanks, ive received such rude comments on this one on batoto i got kinda depressed.

 

F* them, you are a good artist.


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#18 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 18 November 2014 - 08:16 PM

F* them, you are a good artist.

thanks a lot!

Im aware of my flaws though but im always trying to get better page by page


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#19 steamjunkie

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Posted 19 November 2014 - 08:29 AM

thanks a lot for the feedback guys.

out of curiosity, any preference on the character designs yet?

 

I pretty much dig all of them. Like someone said before, your girls tend to look masculine sometimes, but that's not enough to take me out of the story. 

 

That witch girl with the freckles is sexy doe. 

 

wow thanks, ive received such rude comments on this one on batoto i got kinda depressed.

 

:o Those comments were brutal for no reason. Those people suck. 

 

No artist/creator would ever say something like that to another... those people are just rabid consumers. Those comments made me depressed too.

 

I figured I would do a little bit of FANART to make you feel better. 

 

Spoiler DEAD+HEART FANART

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#20 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 19 November 2014 - 02:24 PM

I pretty much dig all of them. Like someone said before, your girls tend to look masculine sometimes, but that's not enough to take me out of the story. 
 
That witch girl with the freckles is sexy doe. 
 

 
:o Those comments were brutal for no reason. Those people suck. 
 
No artist/creator would ever say something like that to another... those people are just rabid consumers. Those comments made me depressed too.
 
I figured I would do a little bit of FANART to make you feel better. 
 

Spoiler DEAD+HEART FANART
WOW, I wasn't expecting that! Amazing, thanks a lot, I love it! This is the second fan art I recieve of one of my series and the first for dead+heart! XD

Is it ok for me to upload it on my facebook page in the fan art section? I will also link to your deviantart or any personal site you wish :D

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