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Bleak by AI


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#41 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 27 December 2014 - 10:25 PM

hello once again! People I will be drawing on livestream, check it out:
http://www.livestrea.../thelastpierrot


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#42 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 28 December 2014 - 10:41 PM

10860209_373663469482113_278580169_n.jpg

 

A Bleak christmas...? :D

 

done while livestream and will finish it tomorrow on livestream


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#43 ZCOverload

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Posted 29 December 2014 - 12:37 AM

Glad to see it turned out so well! I had to leave like midway in. :(


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#44 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 29 December 2014 - 01:05 AM

Glad to see it turned out so well! I had to leave like midway in. :(

it last 5 hours xD only 2 warriors remained by the end

I was surprised, didnt expect anyone to last 5 hours :lol:


Edited by TheLastPierrot, 29 December 2014 - 01:08 AM.

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#45 ZCOverload

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Posted 29 December 2014 - 03:36 AM

I... I couldn't do that for five hours, no way.


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#46 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 29 December 2014 - 04:15 PM

http://www.livestrea.../thelastpierrot Livestream on!


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#47 Red Opus

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Posted 30 December 2014 - 12:14 AM

i saw bleak on Mangahere, looks like some people took a liking to it, great work my dude


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#48 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 30 December 2014 - 12:24 AM

@ thanks a lot! Yeah Bleak had some nice comments all around the internet, it spread through all the mangareaders but i couldn't keep updating consistently...hopefully that will change really soon.


 

btw, did you read it?


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#49 Red Opus

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Posted 30 December 2014 - 12:25 AM

@ thanks a lot! Yeah Bleak had some nice comments all around the internet, it spread through all the mangareaders but i couldn't keep updating consistently...hopefully that will change really soon.


 

btw, did you read it?

 

yes i think i got up to chpater 5 a while back idk if there has been any updates since then @TheLastPierrot


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#50 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 30 December 2014 - 12:58 AM

@ you are up to date then :D i will restart soon hopefully.

what do you think about the story?


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#51 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 30 December 2014 - 01:41 AM

btw:
bleak_xmas_pencil_by_thelastpierrot-d8bs

 

gonna color it on livestream! Do you guys recognize the characters?

From left to right: Lansel(a girl that still hasnt make her first appearance in Bleak) Sane and AF.
Bottom: Aroro (AF`s sister) and Pyon the rabbit


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#52 Red Opus

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Posted 30 December 2014 - 07:47 AM

i don't remember his name but the dude with the blonde hair who curses all the time in probably my favorite.

 

I'm not much of  a story critic tho i'll read anything with pictures I can't say i'm that deep. @TheLastPierrot


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#53 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 30 December 2014 - 03:20 PM

@ his hair color is actually blue xD his name is Hart, I dont blame you for thinking he is blonde though, he still hasnt appear colored in any chapter.


btw guys, coloring right now:
http://livestre.am/hcqQ


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#54 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 16 January 2015 - 08:38 PM

guys, Bleak will now be a novel. Im very sorry for the ones who wanted it to be a comic. It will be illustrated and have comic strips here and there though.
For more details check my face: https://www.facebook...956849670993704


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#55 ZCOverload

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Posted 17 January 2015 - 02:12 AM

Only just read the update.

 

I hope you realize this means you'll have to improve your writing skills exponentially, which is at least as much of a hurdle as improving your art skill. You can't use that script format in Bleak if you want it to follow proper novel conventions (though honestly that's optional), but your grammar needs some slight tweaks and you need to work on description and narration, as I found some of it rather dull, rereading Chapter 5 of Bleak. (Hopefully you've improved on those since then.)

 

Best of luck.


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#56 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 17 January 2015 - 04:38 PM

Only just read the update.

 

I hope you realize this means you'll have to improve your writing skills exponentially, which is at least as much of a hurdle as improving your art skill. You can't use that script format in Bleak if you want it to follow proper novel conventions (though honestly that's optional), but your grammar needs some slight tweaks and you need to work on description and narration, as I found some of it rather dull, rereading Chapter 5 of Bleak. (Hopefully you've improved on those since then.)

 

Best of luck.

Thats the format I choose though, I dont want to follow "rules" just because people say I should. For example the "Character`s Name: Text" is a thing I choose to do, i know many people will probably dislike it but what matters is that i like.

what did you find dull in the last chapter?


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#57 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 30 January 2015 - 08:45 PM

new chapter: http://www.thedreamc...k/en/1/6/page/1 a new one every Friday from now on until the end of this story arc. Comments appreciated!


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#58 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 06 February 2015 - 05:21 PM

chapter 7:
http://www.thedreamc...k/en/1/7/page/1


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#59 ZCOverload

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Posted 06 February 2015 - 09:49 PM

Typos. Everywhere.

 

Sane isn't spelled Same.

 

Work on your grammar a bit. For an indie project like this it's fine but if you ever want this to grow up, you NEED to work on the technical stuff.

 

For example, this line: "Hey, mental projection of Sane...if you really are a projection of my subconscious then tell me: what do I think of the real Sane?" I was just curious.

 

It should be written: Hey, mental projection of Sane... If you really are a projection of my subconscious, then tell me - What do I think of the real Sane?"

 

Small differences, but big effect. You can't use "writing style" as a crutch for error. Your style is alright, but it's clunky. It's way too cumbersome saying "mental projection of Sane" every time. Try different wordings. The line from before could be just as easily written as "So, if you're really a projection of my subconscious, tell me, what do I think of Sane for real?"

 

Also, when you have characters stutter at the beginning of a sentence, as in "W-w-what?", it's all capitalized, as in "W-W-What?" Also, try to use a bit more of the syllable and don't overdo it. "Wh-What?" is easier on the eyes and helps the flow.

 

In other words, vocabulary, grammar, and flow. Work on those things.

 

Sorry if I'm being scalding, but you asked for this when you turned it into a novel.

You hear me?

YOU ASKED FOR THIS.

 

(I kid. You're doing a good job. Keep it up and take what I said seriously.)


 

Also I highly recommend having someone like a friend proofread before you submit. They'll always catch errors that you missed. I do it as well.


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#60 TheLastPierrot

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Posted 06 February 2015 - 10:05 PM

thanks for the feedback. I proofread it before releasing it, I have no idea how i missed those...
I agree with the grammar and some suggestions make sense and was already trying some like the stutter thing, I didnt remember to keep it capital letter in the "W-W-W" though, but thanks ,it does make sense.

I just dont agree with the "rewording" you suggest. That`s just how the character talks and unless its something grammatically wrong (and even that deppends on the context, sometimes I want the characters to be grammatically wrong.)

My word changed Sane into Same apparently...did you catch that mistake more than once? I found one so far...


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