back to the special:
Meanwhile, back at the dorms living room, the class were having a chatter and enjoying Santa's travel stories as Zeando applied first aid including Insane Soul, one conspicuous guy with a paper bag on his head, although the group treated him familiarly.
this part is worded oddly, was IS getting first aid too? what about the paper bag guy?
Ganderath explained her plan, “Alright guys, I’ll go get George (snowmobile) so we can chase him!”
wonder how many others bikes for different terrains she has...
"“Aren’t they energetic? Ho ho.” He laughed. “Yes, quite. Aren’t you worried about the about your sleigh?”"
blowing up an house for christmas? ... wth
for "game case" did you mean a "custody"? with or without the game inside?
"From Shin's point of view, it was painful. Not only did Baka fly backwards and hit Shin by the head, he also used the hands he was holding the rope with as a glorified chair as he put on rollerblades."
wha....? did you mean baka did step on shin's hands? that was a bit hard to read
the moment they decided to blow up the house could have been a nice moment to split this very long chapter into two smaller ones
this could also work with main-story chapters too, if you happen to come up with a very long story, you could split it into smaller parts and releare them gradually,
so when it happens to have lots of meat to cook, instead of having an huge chapter once every month, you would be able to have more smaller chapters once every 2 weeks, for example
"This Extra went over the boundaries of an Extra and evolved into... A Special! This here is the Christmas Special that is really, really late at this point, but dammit we were too deep into it to quit."
which is a good sign
oh, so it was just a wall getting holed, not as bad as expected
"Meanwhile, Baka stood tall on Shin's shoulders, which started to shake from the weight."
did they swap places? wasn't shin on baka's shoulders?
that sleigh chase was intense
"As a result, Both Shin and Nysta swayed back into the sleigh like a pendulum. "Whoa!" Were they're rection to the sudden speed."
"The voice of the principal, Ayame. Ayama walked towards Ganderath and Diez who sweat bullets right now."
wonder where is azer, she was the first to chase them
"Bellow them, on the roof of the dorm, stood Azer raising her hand to the sky."
oh, there she is
the special was plagued by some typos, unreadable sentences, and awful formatting, but the story was good