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#421 Zeando

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Posted 04 December 2016 - 08:54 PM

but you got a notice when you self-mentioned? cause i didn't get one, so maybe something else went wrong with the mentions (usually if you hover the mentioned names it should open the user pop-up, it seems only azer mention did work)
 
@disastrousmaster test, formatting sometimes may get in the way


 

for anyone who didn't read the latest chapter ch9 is in this post

http://onemangaforum...ject/?p=1132429


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#422 retroluffy13

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Posted 09 December 2016 - 09:48 PM

bump.  just cuz.  read it plebs, its good.


 this is a music video I made for a friend of mine.  give it a listen.  the visuals are pretty dope

Spoiler


also some ear kandy
Spoiler

when you love something..  and I mean. really love it.  you fight for it for as long as you can until you cant stand any longer.  then when its all said and done, walk away with a smile hoping you did right.

#423 mantisstalker

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Posted 10 December 2016 - 05:26 AM

It is. Always thought the idea was clever but I've only just had a chance to try it and well, its pretty darn good  :^_^:

 

Keep up the good work~


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xwj6hphfvwez_zps37695cdc.png

Manty is a being of Chaos afterall. It was only natural he'd confuse you.

 


#424 ShinRyuu

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 04:01 PM

Hello!
First, I want to appologize for the delay in posting this almost 2 weeks after the 1st. There were a few... Complications with this one's Extra. By "complications," I mean "last minute schedule issues". It didn't help it was a bigger one than usual. Eitherway, without further ado, here it all is!

First, we have an all new segment! Of course, it's not all that special, but it's there to be helpful. In it, you'll find a short, niffty description of what went on last chapter, or chapters where relevant. Just so you won't feel lost.

Last Time...(Name subject to change)
Spoiler


Now for the real deal! Enjoy!

Chapter 10: The Obvious and Unsurprising Plan
Spoiler


Let’s Meet a Character! With Dr. Prof. Baka, Feat. Misty
Spoiler


And finally, the Extra here is a little special. Which is what I'm going to call it. This Extra went over the boundaries of an Extra and evolved into... A Special! This here is the Christmas Special that is really, really late at this point, but dammit we were too deep into it to quit. So here's hoping you enjoy!

Christmas Special: How Nysta Almost Ruined Christmas!
Spoiler

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#425 Zeando

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 05:05 PM

don't worry about delays, i think it's already surprising you guys are still going on, it's already past one year since the start, keep it up :kakashi:

the recap looks good, given it's around one month(more or less) between each chapter it's good to have a little reminder of what was going on before, it also helps the sense of continuity of the story

so the special is long as a chapter? hory sheet, seems long indeed, reading it asap



#426 Zeando

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 07:22 PM

special:

"Lighting his fireworks while they were still in his hand"

oh, they were only fireworks, was getting worried a little with what was the plan this time

 

before

"In the box were 4 large cylindrical objects, with cones on top of them."

could have just called them as rockets, instead of being mysterious with shape descriptions

 

"“I wonder what those little ones are up to. Ho ho ho” He said cheerfully. He then noticed a stream of sparks and fire, flying towards him at high speed, “... Wait…” He said. Suddenly, BOOM!"

oohhh, that was the plan, poor santa..

 

just realized the different writing style, those wide paragraphs look ugly, but it's nice to have something more description oriented rather than dialogue oriented

about the paragraphs, their breaks look random, and not intended to help story navigation; if someone were to stop reading for a moment, those uniform paragraphs rather make it harder to find again the last reading point; well, just a note

 

"He looked up and saw it - the smile of the devil in Baka's face. He instantly received mortifying flashbacks to last year"

:devastated: that sounds terrifying

 

"Diez just grew more excited, “Oh my god, Santa knows me!”"

well, he has a list and keeps records :shrug:

 

stopping here, continuing reading tomorrow, this looks like it'll be a looong read


 

and let's give an other try with the mass mentions :u

@Lumi, @Waco, @YoWid, @ilikewaffles, @sic, @Echo, @Relinquisher, @Oben, @Sloan, @Metal Heart, @itano123, @asphyxiateD, @Gnag, @Insane Soul, @Makaze, @Maiaku, @ZCOverload, @Damanos, @-JustMyself-, @diezdragon, @azer_moli @Hooded Crow @Ganderath @Misty @Petite Fleur @DaEvilWithin @itano123 @Rayman @Maiaku

do some of you guys still remember this manga project? it's still going on :u


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#427 ShinRyuu

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 09:04 PM

don't worry about delays, i think it's already surprising you guys are still going on, it's already past one year since the start, keep it up :kakashi:

the recap looks good, given it's around one month(more or less) between each chapter it's good to have a little reminder of what was going on before, it also helps the sense of continuity of the story

so the special is long as a chapter? hory sheet, seems long indeed, reading it asap

Yeah, tbh, at first I put the the recap last chapter as a half-joke and half trying to find a good way to start the chapter. It turned out it's pretty much a necessity with this format. Yeah, people don't remember stuff from a month ago, go figure LOL.

 

And given the format the Special is written in and my observation, it's either as long or longer than the average chapter. So have fun.



#428 disastrousmaster

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Posted 13 January 2017 - 03:22 AM

special:

"Lighting his fireworks while they were still in his hand"

oh, they were only fireworks, was getting worried a little with what was the plan this time

 

before

"In the box were 4 large cylindrical objects, with cones on top of them."

could have just called them as rockets, instead of being mysterious with shape descriptions

 

"“I wonder what those little ones are up to. Ho ho ho” He said cheerfully. He then noticed a stream of sparks and fire, flying towards him at high speed, “... Wait…” He said. Suddenly, BOOM!"

oohhh, that was the plan, poor santa..

 

just realized the different writing style, those wide paragraphs look ugly, but it's nice to have something more description oriented rather than dialogue oriented

about the paragraphs, their breaks look random, and not intended to help story navigation; if someone were to stop reading for a moment, those uniform paragraphs rather make it harder to find again the last reading point; well, just a note

 

"He looked up and saw it - the smile of the devil in Baka's face. He instantly received mortifying flashbacks to last year"

:devastated: that sounds terrifying

 

"Diez just grew more excited, “Oh my god, Santa knows me!”"

well, he has a list and keeps records :shrug:

 

stopping here, continuing reading tomorrow, this looks like it'll be a looong read


 

and let's give an other try with the mass mentions :u

@Lumi, @Waco, @YoWid, @ilikewaffles, @sic, @Echo, @Relinquisher, @Oben, @Sloan, @Metal Heart, @itano123, @asphyxiateD, @Gnag, @Insane Soul, @Makaze, @Maiaku, @ZCOverload, @Damanos, @-JustMyself-, @diezdragon, @azer_moli @Hooded Crow @Ganderath @Misty @Petite Fleur @DaEvilWithin @itano123 @Rayman @Maiaku

do some of you guys still remember this manga project? it's still going on :u

D< your wide paragraphs look ugly

but yeah about the paragraph breaks. Shin kept putting in random breaks while he was editing my 4 page extra to make it longer, and I eventually stopped caring about the paragraph breaks. I'm sorry I failed you zeando.


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                                                    <p align=center><a target=_blank href=http://www.nodiatis....personality.htm><img border=0 src=http://www.nodiatis.com/pub/19.jpg></a></p>

“The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. If you would take a man's life, you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. And if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps the man does not deserve to die.”― Eddard Stark, A game of thrones

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#429 Zeando

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Posted 13 January 2017 - 04:44 AM

Yeah, people don't remember stuff from a month ago, go figure LOL.

 

one month can be just 4 weeks, which makes it short, or a month can be around 30 days, which makes it long :shrug:

 

D< your wide paragraphs look ugly

but yeah about the paragraph breaks. Shin kept putting in random breaks while he was editing my 4 page extra to make it longer, and I eventually stopped caring about the paragraph breaks. I'm sorry I failed you zeando.

 

one step at a time :domo:

but given the writing itself is already on a good level, the only thing missing now is a good text formatting to make it even more readable (as having sensed breaks, and paragraphs of different widths to help the reader to don't get lost in the text, expecially if the chapters are long)



#430 disastrousmaster

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Posted 13 January 2017 - 05:31 AM

one month can be just 4 weeks, which makes it short, or a month can be around 30 days, which makes it long :shrug:

 

 

one step at a time :domo:

but given the writing itself is already on a good level, the only thing missing now is a good text formatting to make it even more readable (as having sensed breaks, and paragraphs of different widths to help the reader to don't get lost in the text, expecially if the chapters are long)

ah, are you saying my paragraphs were too long?


                                                    <p align=center><a target=_blank href=http://www.nodiatis....personality.htm><img border=0 src=http://www.nodiatis.com/pub/19.jpg></a></p>

“The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. If you would take a man's life, you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. And if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps the man does not deserve to die.”― Eddard Stark, A game of thrones

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Vote for dis person plox


#431 Zeando

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Posted 13 January 2017 - 06:00 AM

mmm, no, it's not really about length, it's more about every paragraph having sort of the same lenght,

it's about too much uniformity... which makes it harder to tell one paragraph from the others by just looking at their lenght (cause you can't expect the reader to reread everything, everytime they make a pause from reading, just to find again where they were before)

according to what is happening, and when the focus of the story moves or changes, some paragraphs should be shorter, and some others longer

 

the lenght they had in the special could be seen at the medium lenght, but not every paragraph should have a medium lenght, depends on what is happening,

if the event takes longer the paragraph should be longer;

if it's something minor happening, the paragraph should be shorter;

just as much to contain the event told in the story, and don't split an event in more paragraphs if it's not needed (sure, there should still be a max lengh for paragraphs, or having an extra long paragraph makes it useless)

 

to make an example, the paragraphs 2-4

Spoiler
looks like a single event to me, so they could have worked if they were a single paragraph

or if it was too long as a single paragraph, it could have been split in a different way, just trying

Spoiler

 

or said in a different way, text and paragraph breaks are useful to highlight the events of the story, making them and the turns stand out more, which in turn also helps to read the story while not getting lost

 

but guess this is high grade nitpicking :u

 

 

going back to finish reading the special ('-')7


Edited by Zeando, 11 February 2017 - 06:44 PM.


#432 disastrousmaster

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Posted 13 January 2017 - 06:20 AM

mmm, no, it's not really about length, it's more about every paragraph having sort of the same lenght,

it's about too much uniformity... which makes it harder to tell one paragraph from the others by just looking at their lenght (cause you can't expect the reader to reread everything, everytime they make a pause from reading, just to find again where they were before)

according to what is happening, and when the focus of the story moves or changes, some paragraphs should be shorter, and some others longer

 

the lenght they had in the special could be seen at the medium lenght, but not every paragrapoh should have a medium lenght, depends if what is happening,

if the event takes longer the paragraph should be longer;

if it's something minor happening, the paragraph should be shorter;

just as much to contain the event told in the story, and don't split an event in more paragraphs if it's not needed (sure, there should still be a max lengh for paragraphs, or having an extra long paragraph makes it useless)

 

to make an example, the paragraphs 2-4

Spoiler
looks like a single event to me, so they could have worked if they were a single paragraph

or if it was too long as a single paragraph, it could have been split in a different way, just trying

Spoiler

 

or said in a different way, text and paragraph breaks are useful to highlight the events of the story, making them and the turns stand out more, which in turn also helps to read the story while not getting lost

 

but guess this is high grade nitpicking :u

 

 

going back to finish reading the special ('-')7

haha, well I did have them at different lengths originally. a few were especially long. poor shin didn't like that though.


                                                    <p align=center><a target=_blank href=http://www.nodiatis....personality.htm><img border=0 src=http://www.nodiatis.com/pub/19.jpg></a></p>

“The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. If you would take a man's life, you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. And if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps the man does not deserve to die.”― Eddard Stark, A game of thrones

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#433 Zeando

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Posted 13 January 2017 - 06:29 AM

haha, well I did have them at different lengths originally. a few were especially long. poor shin didn't like that though.

 

i see

 

guess breaking text is like chopping meat from a carcass

you can't chop it while ignoring the position of the organs and the direction of the muscle fibers, or it becomes an uniform bloody mess



#434 Zeando

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Posted 13 January 2017 - 09:36 AM

back to the special:

 

Meanwhile, back at the dorms living room, the class were having a chatter and enjoying Santa's travel stories as Zeando applied first aid including Insane Soul, one conspicuous guy with a paper bag on his head, although the group treated him familiarly.

this part is worded oddly, was IS getting first aid too? what about the paper bag guy?

 

Ganderath explained her plan, “Alright guys, I’ll go get George (snowmobile) so we can chase him!”

wonder how many others bikes for different terrains she has...

 

"“Aren’t they energetic? Ho ho.” He laughed. “Yes, quite. Aren’t you worried about the about your sleigh?”"

typo

 

blowing up an house for christmas? ... wth

 

for "game case" did you mean a "custody"? with or without the game inside?

 

"From Shin's point of view, it was painful. Not only did Baka fly backwards and hit Shin by the head, he also used the hands he was holding the rope with as a glorified chair as he put on rollerblades."

wha....? did you mean baka did step on shin's hands? that was a bit hard to read

 

 

the moment they decided to blow up the house could have been a nice moment to split this very long chapter into two smaller ones

this could also work with main-story chapters too, if you happen to come up with a very long story, you could split it into smaller parts and releare them gradually,

so when it happens to have lots of meat to cook, instead of having an huge chapter once every month, you would be able to have more smaller chapters once every 2 weeks, for example

"This Extra went over the boundaries of an Extra and evolved into... A Special! This here is the Christmas Special that is really, really late at this point, but dammit we were too deep into it to quit."

which is a good sign

 

oh, so it was just a wall getting holed, not as bad as expected

 

"Meanwhile, Baka stood tall on Shin's shoulders, which started to shake from the weight."

did they swap places? wasn't shin on baka's shoulders?

 

that sleigh chase was intense

 

"As a result, Both Shin and Nysta swayed back into the sleigh like a pendulum. "Whoa!" Were they're rection to the sudden speed."

???

 

"The voice of the principal, Ayame. Ayama walked towards Ganderath and Diez who sweat bullets right now."

typo

 

wonder where is azer, she was the first to chase them

"Bellow them, on the roof of the dorm, stood Azer raising her hand to the sky."

oh, there she is

 

the special was plagued by some typos, unreadable sentences, and awful formatting, but the story was good :kakashi:



#435 disastrousmaster

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Posted 13 January 2017 - 11:18 AM

back to the special:

 

Meanwhile, back at the dorms living room, the class were having a chatter and enjoying Santa's travel stories as Zeando applied first aid including Insane Soul, one conspicuous guy with a paper bag on his head, although the group treated him familiarly.

this part is worded oddly, was IS getting first aid too? what about the paper bag guy?

I believe it is zeando applied first aid to IS and the guy with the paper bag on his head. sorry I didn't really edit much of what shin added to the extra because reasons. Mainly because It was so far postponed. 

also the special/extra was meant to be this long the entire time by the will of skillz. 


                                                    <p align=center><a target=_blank href=http://www.nodiatis....personality.htm><img border=0 src=http://www.nodiatis.com/pub/19.jpg></a></p>

“The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. If you would take a man's life, you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. And if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps the man does not deserve to die.”― Eddard Stark, A game of thrones

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#436 retroluffy13

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Posted 13 January 2017 - 11:43 AM

when retro?

 

jk.  nice work thus far, boys.  your comedy is top notch and mirrors modern japenese style to a tee


 this is a music video I made for a friend of mine.  give it a listen.  the visuals are pretty dope

Spoiler


also some ear kandy
Spoiler

when you love something..  and I mean. really love it.  you fight for it for as long as you can until you cant stand any longer.  then when its all said and done, walk away with a smile hoping you did right.

#437 disastrousmaster

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Posted 13 January 2017 - 02:00 PM

when retro?

 

jk.  nice work thus far, boys.  your comedy is top notch and mirrors modern japenese style to a tee

 

ah, I just realized I was supposed to add you into this and forgot about it.


                                                    <p align=center><a target=_blank href=http://www.nodiatis....personality.htm><img border=0 src=http://www.nodiatis.com/pub/19.jpg></a></p>

“The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. If you would take a man's life, you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. And if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps the man does not deserve to die.”― Eddard Stark, A game of thrones

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#438 retroluffy13

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Posted 13 January 2017 - 02:21 PM

joker-laughing-o.gif


 

on a serious note, theres really no rush.  beter to have a coherent story then to just jam a character in because one guy wants you too.  and even I don't care THAT much.


 this is a music video I made for a friend of mine.  give it a listen.  the visuals are pretty dope

Spoiler


also some ear kandy
Spoiler

when you love something..  and I mean. really love it.  you fight for it for as long as you can until you cant stand any longer.  then when its all said and done, walk away with a smile hoping you did right.

#439 disastrousmaster

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Posted 13 January 2017 - 05:02 PM

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view8/4690030...


 

on a serious note, theres really no rush.  beter to have a coherent story then to just jam a character in because one guy wants you too.  and even I don't care THAT much.

no like I was legit supposed to have you in, but we changed up the thing like 4 times and you were forgotten

 

 

20awgoz_th.jpg


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                                                    <p align=center><a target=_blank href=http://www.nodiatis....personality.htm><img border=0 src=http://www.nodiatis.com/pub/19.jpg></a></p>

“The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. If you would take a man's life, you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. And if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps the man does not deserve to die.”― Eddard Stark, A game of thrones

Spoiler funny quotes

 

 

Vote for dis person plox


#440 retroluffy13

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Posted 13 January 2017 - 05:06 PM

no like I was legit supposed to have you in, but we changed up the thing like 4 times and you were forgotten

 

 

http://i65.tinypic.com/20awgoz_th.jpg...

mhph hm mm pa fa meh duh muh

 

(still it turned out fine.  it all seemed to com e together quite nicely so its cool)


 this is a music video I made for a friend of mine.  give it a listen.  the visuals are pretty dope

Spoiler


also some ear kandy
Spoiler

when you love something..  and I mean. really love it.  you fight for it for as long as you can until you cant stand any longer.  then when its all said and done, walk away with a smile hoping you did right.




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