Yeah I think I failed this time to capture the parallelism between air and life. It was actually a person taking their life, regretting it last moment and gasping for air at the end, when it was abundant on his way down. I tend to overwrite and drown the meaning here. I will take this as an opportunity to improve my future poems.
As always, Sloan writes wicked rhymes. I'd be glad to listen to his rhymes with beat because I think that's where he's most effective. If this was spoken poetry (which I think we are all suggesting at some point as another form of contest), this would get my vote.
Oben's piece almost got my vote as well. As always, I am a fan of how Oben incorporates references and puts his own twist on them and makes it his own. I get it how the poem is like telling us that some things are not the way we thought they were. Atlantis may have flown away, and not sunk like we've always known. We may think that this world is empty and already sunk, but who knows, maybe we can all find a better world, as hard as it can be, like grasping for air?
I love all forms of poems, and all of them are enough to get my vote (except mine, 'cause even I feel my poem is inadequate AF) but I voted for Red Opus because of the last 6 lines. I always look for motion in poetry (I can't really explain it, but the energy I guess?), I felt it rising through the end and staying at that altitude like "air." So kudos to Red Opus for maintaining that loyalty to the theme, playing around it and executing successfully.
Edited by GintaMan, 30 March 2016 - 03:55 PM.
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