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[Voting] Poetry Contest #33


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Poll: Poetry Contest #33 (6 member(s) have cast votes)

Which is the best?

  1. mantisstalker - To Make a World Machine (0 votes [0.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 0.00%

  2. Red Opus - Spirit Industrial Complex (1 votes [16.67%] - View)

    Percentage of vote: 16.67%

  3. kikyou_e - Tragic Industry (1 votes [16.67%] - View)

    Percentage of vote: 16.67%

  4. diezdragon - Bound (4 votes [66.67%] - View)

    Percentage of vote: 66.67%

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#1 Oben

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Posted 29 July 2016 - 05:33 PM

Welcome to the voting for Poetry Contest #33!

The theme was "Industrial", as picked by me for Sloan, the winner of round #32.

The poll should-be self-explanatory. Please vote objectively, and fair.
You are not allowed to vote for yourself.

Please also post your opinions/criticism in the thread.
Previous rounds and winners can be found pinned in the Contest Forum and the Discussion Thread.

Here are the entries for this round:

 


Spoiler To Make a World Machine


 
 


Spoiler Spirit Industial Complex


 
 


Spoiler Tragic Industry


 
 


Spoiler Bound

 

Voting closes on August 16th.


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#2 Red Opus

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Posted 29 July 2016 - 06:28 PM

Gotta vote for DiezOpus aqDwC.png



#3 Red Opus

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Posted 30 July 2016 - 04:46 PM

-participates in poetry contest

-does not vote in poetry contest

-fear of "losing"

 

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Edited by Red Opus, 30 July 2016 - 04:47 PM.

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#4 mantisstalker

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Posted 01 August 2016 - 07:29 AM

Voting in a contest you entered feels weird to me. I think we once had an issue with a participant voting and they either pulled out or took the vote down? But at the same I suppose the people that enter are mainly the ones who read these, so getting over that idea might be needed. 


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Manty is a being of Chaos afterall. It was only natural he'd confuse you.

 


#5 Red Opus

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Posted 01 August 2016 - 07:37 AM

It's an issue for me cuz... We don't get votes anyway lol, technically we only have 1 person who voted...

#6 mantisstalker

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Posted 01 August 2016 - 07:50 AM

Yea, I did say about the lack of votes which I feel is because OMF has been getting smaller, and poetry isn't a very popular activity to begin with. The reason I usually enter is actually the lack of entries. 

 

I'll vote if I remember. Want some time to actually be able to make comments on the poems rather than just throwing a vote out.

 

 

 

Its taken me a while so I apologize but my last year of uni has thrown a bunch of work at me in the first week so its been busy. BUT it's the weekend and I'm here now, so never fear.

 

Before reading on I'd just like to state that I usually write poems for personal satisfaction and have done a handful for competitions on here, but I'm only a novice at best. What I say is aimed to further the skills of others but I am aware I'm not the best so I won't be offended if you think I'm wrong, just know I say this with the best intentions at heart. 

 

I'd like to mention the overall theme first and foremost as a lot of the entries followed the same idea that the world is a machine, with the levers being pulled by wolves as cattle are eaten by its ever turning gears. Personally I was surprised everyone went for such a dark view on the matter and think it might be the shadows of our world leaking out of many mouths. Then again we could all be angsty poets posting on a forum but I like to think that's it's the former.

 

I'm going to go over the poems in order so I'll address mine quickly. I aimed to make it akin to a step by step approach of how to make an industry controlled world, seeking to darken the theme a little more by using a cook book like approach. It was influenced heavily by personal neoliberalist views as well as a decent dose of games such as Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs which I do love. Tried a different poem structure than usual and I think it went alright but I'm on the fence about how I feel about it. 

 

Now I don't usually like minimalist poems that only use a few words rather than sentences so I'll admit I went into Red Opus's not expecting much. But after reading their poem I was really blown away and the low expectations only made me more impressed. With so little the poem paints a good overall impression of a world run on industry, from the mindset of the average worker to control through religion. The rhyme scheme was a little all over the place but it's there and is subtle enough to tie into the minimalist approach. 

 

kikyou_e's I have to say I liked it, mostly as it offered some diversity to the other entries. It told a short yet compelling story about how every day life can be interrupted by the imaginable. That being said I feel the structure lets it down. Each segment is its own verse and it works well that way, but because there's an interruption at the end of each line it makes me stop reading before picking it back up on the next line. It makes the flow start and stop which takes away from the experience. If you read it as if each section was one sentence however it works really well and the words blend well together. To offer some advice I'd suggest you write a poem like this as longer sentences and suddenly use a new line when you want you reinforce suspense in your work rather than all the time. So in short the works strong point is it has wonderful premise and flow in terms of words but is let down by its structure. 

 

Bound struck a heavy fantasy vibe with me and even though there was little mentioned about the character past their feelings and motives they felt alive. Brought to mind minions laboring deep within the earth to churn out all manner of nasty objects. If I'm being picky I'll mention the rhyme scheme bugs me a little as it's there but doesn't always work, or will deviate and ignore itself. Its very important to remember that poems don't need to follow a set structure but it feels odd when it imposes one and doesn't follow it, like having a partner that says no funny business tonight and spends the entire time rubbing against- *cough* Either way it was good, just the rhyming and perhaps ending on a note that progressed the story might have been better that revisiting the characters bitterness. 

 

So all in all everyone's poems (not commenting on my own) was good and had really strong points, but to pick my personal favorite I'll go with Red's. It blew my expectations out of the water and made me rethink my take on that particular style of poetry. 


Edited by mantisstalker, 13 August 2016 - 10:40 AM.

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Manty is a being of Chaos afterall. It was only natural he'd confuse you.

 


#7 Oben

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Posted 16 August 2016 - 02:30 PM

@diezdragon wins Poetry Contest #33!

 

The next round will be up once he picks a new theme.


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#8 diezdragon

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Posted 17 August 2016 - 10:24 AM

I was going to vote, but decided to "schedule" it in my head to the day before the poll ended, which was of course not a smart idea.. Ended up forgetting completely about it. Didn't even read through the poems until now.

 

Voted now for Tragic Industry since the poll is still up <.< It had a good flow when I read it, and I like the twist, although what sold it for me was just the grim foreboding narration in general.


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