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#301 ShinRyuu

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Posted 08 May 2016 - 12:30 AM

Room 3 has Makaze(making it 5 people) and he's missing from the list you gave me, otherwise sounds about right.



#302 ZCOverload

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Posted 08 May 2016 - 01:00 AM

These are all people I hate. Except Makaze. I'm indifferent to him.


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I'll clear this with no continues!

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#303 Hooded Crow

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Posted 08 May 2016 - 02:48 AM

....The moment when you realize you are in the same room with Reli


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#304 Zeando

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Posted 08 May 2016 - 04:20 AM

so room 3 will have an extra bed, or someone will sleep on the floor? :3

 

i've no problem with my room :domo:


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#305 Relinquisher

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Posted 09 May 2016 - 02:31 AM

....The moment when you realize you are in the same room with Reli

 

oi.....slumber parties


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#306 Hooded Crow

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Posted 09 May 2016 - 08:39 AM

Slumber parties...sure


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#307 Oben

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Posted 09 May 2016 - 09:09 AM

i've no problem with my room :domo:

 
Yet :domo:


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#308 Misty

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Posted 10 May 2016 - 10:42 AM

I demand to share a room with Ganderath. 


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Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow?

'No!' says the man in Washington, 'It belongs to the poor.'

'No!' says the man in the Vatican, 'It belongs to God.'

'No!' says the man in Moscow, 'It belongs to everyone.'

 

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#309 Baka-Dynasty

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Posted 10 May 2016 - 11:29 AM

These are all people I hate. Except Makaze. I'm indifferent to him.

LOL could be worse :3 at least you arent with me huehuehue 

 

oi.....slumber parties

Try to keep it pg 13

 

I demand to share a room with Ganderath. 

Aye pls send a ticket to Azer and she will get back to you as soon as possible


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#310 Baka-Dynasty

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Posted 27 May 2016 - 09:38 AM

Annnnnd ladies and folks i now present you our 4th chapter !!!! Always on time huehuehue. This one is a bit longer and youll notice it has been written in a different way. Shin did an amazing job once again, thanks reli for helping even tho he is such a slacker and i would have fired him 10 time if this was a real job. Credit to zeando cuz hes the one who pushed us into trying this new way of writting . Feedback is always needed.

 

 

CHAPTER 4: A New Life, A New Day.

 

 

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Edited by Baka-Dynasty, 27 May 2016 - 11:15 AM.

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#311 Zeando

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Posted 27 May 2016 - 10:31 AM

"Credit to zeando cuz hes the one who pushed us into trying this new way of writting"

D: what have i done?

 

i'm going to read it asap


Edited by Zeando, 28 May 2016 - 01:44 PM.

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#312 azer_moli

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Posted 27 May 2016 - 11:02 AM


“Well, unlike mine, you’re class does have a decent number of students who already awakened their power, so it probably won’t be that bad.” He said after thinking about it.

 

*your class

 

I actually liked how you had the POV of one character for the narration. 

It goes well this way too, but having one person's thoughts was pretty nice. 


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#313 ZCOverload

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Posted 27 May 2016 - 12:28 PM

This new chapter was a lot easier to follow.


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#314 Zeando

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Posted 27 May 2016 - 01:35 PM

"They seemed to hurry, well, Shin was anyway."

this sounded strange,

 

"Shin replied with sarcasm."

unless this is the sort of thing like "sarcasm can't be detected on text, so you've to spell it out",

i think the specification it was sarcasm was not needed, that's something the reader should notice from reading the phrase, the tone used is an other thing instead, which may be useful to specify

example/ "this works this way" he said explanatorily (being explanatory isn't a tone)

or "hahaha" he said laughing

 

"and turned around to say hi.

“Hey, Shin, ‘sup?” He said"

similar to above, it feels repetivive, describing what the characters say, or you describe what they say or you have the characters talk, both seems too much

 

"“... I guess we never properly introduced ourselves.” Insane Soul noted the silliness of the situation."

this may be just me, but i'm finding it a bit confusing to have the name of the person talking after the sentence, expecially since i can't recognize them by just what they say most of the times

 

"They then all went to the nearby bus station, to wait for the bus to take them to school. As they went, they properly introduced themselves."

where is located this dormitory? was thinking it was in the school, but seems it isn't?

 

"“Oh, I know what you mean. I did a little bit too.” Insane Soul added."

"Oh, I know what you mean. I was a little bit disappointed too.” Insane Soul added." ?

 

"“No, wait, wha-...” Insane Soul began expressing his confusion and concern of the “Great Master Plan” which Shin stopped him in much the same way as Yo Wid."

need, more, commas, that was hard to read.

 

"As Shin, Insane Soul and Yo Wid were close to the class, they saw Azer is almost in the class.

As Shin, Insane Soul and Yo Wid were closing in on their class, they noticed Azer is almost there."

repetition

 

"“... I nominate Zeando for the role.” Shin pointed to Zeando.

“What, me?” Zeando was caught by surprise, “Well, I was about to volunteer anyway, so I guess it works out.”"

ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, was fearing that when i heard about a class representative, but guess it's part of the surprises of not having something totally based on reality :shrug:

(about reality: i usually self-appointed myself to be the voting commission president, cause members of the voting commissions can't be nominated, that's a clean way to refuse getting nominated :u and shut up people trying :u )

 

 

in some parts it was a bit messy, and a bit hard to read, the dialogues are fine, it's the descriptive part which overlaps with the dialogues, or sometimes isn't very clear, but guess it'll be better the next chapter

 

 

on the extra

"Shin then looked at the papers, which indeed had bananas all over them. Among the questions, there were actually a few odd sentences:

[...]
And then it stopped. Shin looked at Baka to complain, but his oblivious face made Shin give up."

i'm missing something?

 

baka becomes more dangerously crazy every new chapter, felt almost mean(who i'm deceiving, he was mean)

and there come the spiders, but an huge spider as pet? D:


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#315 ShinRyuu

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Posted 27 May 2016 - 03:18 PM

FOR FUCK'S SAKE SKILLZ, GIVE THE POOR MAN THE GOOGLE DOCS.

 

Here's the chapter, have fun conveniently commenting in it. 

 

Here's the Extra for good measure.



#316 Baka-Dynasty

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Posted 27 May 2016 - 04:44 PM

FOR FUCK'S SAKE SKILLZ, GIVE THE POOR MAN THE GOOGLE DOCS.

 

Here's the chapter, have fun conveniently commenting in it. 

 

Here's the Extra for good measure.

Cuz i dint want 2 ?


 

*your class

 

I actually liked how you had the POV of one character for the narration. 

It goes well this way too, but having one person's thoughts was pretty nice. 

 

changed it, lol cant believe we let that pass


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!Banana head fart man !

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Come check out my video room thread :3

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#317 Relinquisher

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Posted 27 May 2016 - 05:57 PM

i also cant believe i didnt see that :/

 

also dont give em the google docs, then they can see all my wonderful comments you ignored, CANT LET THEM SEE THE MOVIE MAGIC BEHIND THE SCENES 


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#318 Baka-Dynasty

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Posted 27 May 2016 - 06:30 PM

I agree i dont want them to be able to see behind the scene. Shin stop fucking up

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#319 ShinRyuu

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Posted 28 May 2016 - 12:14 AM

Alright, whatever, person with short memory span, I'll delete it now.


 

Actually, fuck it at this point, w/e.



#320 Zeando

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Posted 28 May 2016 - 05:53 AM

if it's only to easily get comments of specific parts, you could create a copy only for comments-post-release, while keeping the original secret


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